retro gone wrong: the sev

The girls over at Go Fug Yourself have a deep hatred for Chloe Sevigny (who they've dubbed "The Sev"), dating back to the creation of their site (that's her in the white Wayfarers -- not bought at Target -- at the top right corner of the masthead). They've laid off in recent years, though they still feature her wacky sartorial antics from time to time. The latest is fodder for today's edition of Retro Gone Wrong:


Heather ragged on her for the granny sandals-and-socks combo, which is definitely heinous. But I'd like to commend Chloe for tightening her belt in these tough economic times. Does she go out and buy a new sundress to wear to Coachella? No, not The Sev. Instead, she digs into the back of her closet and dons her favorite outfit from 1994.

I distinctly recall having several dress-and-t-shirt combos just like this, circa grade four. My favorite was a faux-denim number with a plastic pink heart sewn on the front. I usually wore it with a light pink or white t-shirt, but I like how Chloe just goes for it here with the black. Way to make a statement, Sev.

retro gone wrong: smells like team spirit

Something that's so hilarious, so wrong it's right, I found while browsing the 1990s-Present page in FashionDig's shopping-by-decades section. Can someone please explain to me what on earth THIS is doing on a vintage fashion website?

While labeled as "Mellow Tiger Mascot," I'd argue that this guy looks more like he's posing for a plushies pin-up calendar.

Seriously, though, why is this lumped in with dresses, coats, and necklaces? And at $600, who, exactly, are they expecting to actually buy this?

It could be worse, though. Oh wait, it is:

"Happy Pink Elephant"? More like, "Will Give You Nightmares for Years to Come." Although, at $500, compared to his tiger counterpart, this guy is a steal.

life in plastic, it's fantastic

A few weeks ago, Barbie, our favorite anatomically incorrect doll, turned 50. To celebrate, New York Fashion Week had a show celebrating 50 years of Barbie style.

Designers such as Diane Von Furstenberg, Marchesa, and Peter Som contributed looks to the collection, and styles ranged from faithful recreations of signature Barbie looks to avante garde interpretations of Barbie's many different incarnations over the years.

My favorite would have to be the very first look, of Barbie's iconic debut outfit, the black and white striped swimsuit:

This is a simple and sexy update that stays true to the original. It evokes memories of playing with my mom's old Barbie, which was one of the originals and outfitted in the same suit (and, consequently, the same sluttly eye makeup).

Giant hair, bright lipstick, and cat-eye sunglasses dominated the details front, and added a touch of whimsy to the proceedings.

There were definitely a few missteps among the bunch, but one that stood out for its sheer ridiculousness would have to be this example of Retro Gone Wrong:

Among her stints as a doctor and astronaut, I don't recall Barbie becoming a Vegas showgirl. Or a drag queen.

retro gone wrong: missing the target

It's been a couple weeks, and I know you've missed me. So what better way to get things started again than another edition of Retro Gone Wrong?

This week's winner (loser?), I am sad to report, is Target, the discount store where dreams are made. And if you happen to have a wicked '80s/early '90s fetish, then your dreams are most definitely about to come true. For the rest of us, not so much.

Found in the women's department at the store in Fayetteville, a cast-off from Madonna's "Like a Virgin" days:

Available in magenta and black, this lace scoop neck tee is an item I probably would have coveted circa 1994. Fifteen years later, not so much. Unless you are living in a material world (and, incidentally, are a material girl), you should probably avoid this look at all costs.

And, wouldn't you know, what was directly behind this lace montrosity on the rack? Why, bleach tie-dyed leggings, of course!


I mean, clearly, what with the recent legging trend not being horrid enough, why not throw some bleach on those puppies and make things more interesting? Pair them with this lace shirt and you've got a look that will definitely turn heads (and maybe even blind a few people with its garishness, too).

And finally, no trip to Target would be complete without perusing the accessories aisle, where one can find day-glow knockoffs of one of the 1980s' most treasured fads: Wayfarer sunglasses.


Granted, I actually kind of like these glasses. I could never pull them off (as evidenced by the multiple pairs I tried on and subsequently took off in shame), and some people do look genuinely cute in them.

But methinks Target doth try too hard. Let Ray-Ban handle their second most recognizable look (after Aviators, which also look terrible on me), and leave the day-glow to professionals. These just come off looking cheap, and, my dearest Target, I think you're better than that.

retro gone wrong: and just when it was going so well...

It figures, as soon as I anoint ModCloth as the chosen one, it has to go and post this in its one-of-a-kind section:

I'll give you one good guess as to why this hasn't sold yet: it's ugly as sin. Seriously, guys. Let's try to avoid missteps such as this in the future, okay? I love you too much to see you hurting like this.

retro gone rong (ha, see what i did there?)

It's no secret that I idolize the girls over at Go Fug Yourself. So, inspired by their snark and wit and delicious cattiness (enough superlatives?), I've decided to start my own little feature, Retro Gone Wrong (yes, the W will be part of future postings -- I'm anal enough that seeing it spelled incorrectly, even in a humorous fashion, still bugs the hell out of me). These posts will poke fun at those who try to pull off retro chic, and juuuuust miss the mark (or miss it by a mile. Those are more fun).

First up is someone the Fug Girls had in their sights last Thursday: Maggie Grace, dressed suspiciously like Sandy from the end of Grease:

As Jessica put it,

It's giving me chills. They're multiplying. You guys, I'm losing control, because the combination of pantyhose and sateen is LITERALLY ELECTRIFYING.

God bless those girls, and the celebrities they mercilessly taunt. Maybe, someday, you'll feel the same way about me? One can only dream of such blogging pseudo-fame...